Sonic heartbreak.

Sonic, why do you hate me so much? I’ve never ever done anything hurtful to you, and this is how you treat me?

I’ve got years of Sonic experience. My first time, it was in North Carolina, just outside of Lake Norman. I was introduced to Sonic, and as soon as I heard that you had tater tots on your menu, I was hooked. The burger was damn good as well. Then, the next year, in Texas. Waxahachie, to be exact. Heat wave. We found a drink combination that you probably hadn’t thought of. (If you combine Bombay Sapphire Gin and your delicious Cherry Limeade, you get the Cherry Bombade, and a big vat of that is the PERFECT beverage to help one through a brutally hot day.) The one and only time I ever got even a teensy bit stoned (it was quite by accident), the only thing for it was to head to Sonic (this one in Apache Junction, AZ) and devour half of the menu before I headed off for a nap. I have been to Sonic Drive-Ins all over the country. And I love them all.

Unfortunately, you have large chunks of the country where you haven’t yet installed stores. This wouldn’t be so problematic if you didn’t choose to advertise EVERYWHERE. The worst was being in Connecticut, and having my poor senses battered by incessant commercials for your tasty tasty food and just knowing that the nearest place I could fulfill those cravings, those cravings that YOU put there, was in Ohio. I cried a little. Now I’m in California, and the closest Sonic to me is in Anaheim. Behind the Orange Curtain, as some say. People know of my Sonic addiction, and they taunt me, yes they do. They feel the need to tell me every time they hit your Lemon Street location, or any location, knowing that I am deprived of your Tots, your Sonic With Cheese, your Cherry Limeade. I could almost handle it if I wasn’t yet again inundated with ads. Brownie Blast Sundae Shake thingy. Breakfast Burrito. Eight million drink possibilities.

Listen, I understand. I really do. You’re not the only ones who do this. And you want to keep yourselves Top Of Mind. You want the world to rush to your website to find the nearest store to them. You want people to add you on MySpace so that you may taunt them further. I have done both of those things. I have talked about you, online and in person, and still, there’s no Sonic that I can even comfortably take a bus to. It’s a hot day today, as are many days in Sunny Los Angeles, and I would still go out and do cartwheels in the blinding, burning sun if I could just have a Sonic With Cheese, a big fat order of Tots, and a huge vat of Cherry Limeade (with extra cherries). I heard a rumour that you discontinued your Frito Pie, and that makes me sad. Ooo…or maybe a chili dog! Dammit! You’ve got me drooling again, and there’s no way I can get anywhere near Anaheim, and when I go home to drown my sorrows in whatever meagre dinner I put together, I’ll once again be battered by commercials for your damned restaurant. And then I will cry myself to a grim, Sonic-less sleep.

Please. Either tailor your ads to areas where you are actually AVAILABLE to the consumers who will view them, or build a Sonic near me, so that I can go back to telling the world how much I love you. Because otherwise, you just break my poor, blackened, sooty, sad, little heart.